


(Memory) Loss

by nika_write_snow



Series: Enderboy go brrrrrrrrrrr [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Adoptive Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enderman Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Ranboo-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Winged Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:33:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29150520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nika_write_snow/pseuds/nika_write_snow
Summary: Ranboo was used to forgetting. And he was fine with it by now. Right?A Ranboo-centric AU about his past before he showed up on the dream smp!Note: If any of the creators mentioned in this state that they are uncomfortable with this fic, or the topics in this fic being written about them, I will take it down as soon as I know. Also, this is based off the characters, and not the actual content creators.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: Enderboy go brrrrrrrrrrr [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2132844
Comments: 21
Kudos: 175





	1. There's a reason

**Author's Note:**

> CW:  
> Memory Loss(?)  
> Thats all I can think of right now, if any more apply, please tell me.
> 
> And now, enjoy!

At this point, Ranboo was almost used to forgetting. It felt like a pattern, one he could never seem to grasp, just out of reach. Sometimes something would happen, something good, and despite the positive feelings, dread would wash over him. He'd probably forget it. He'd forget this moment, so did it even matter? Sure, he could write it down in his memory book, but the emotion would be long gone, forgotten like everything else he had once held dear.

Sometimes he would remember snippets of moments that he assumed had been important. Like when he adjusted his suit and felt his shoulders square out of instinct, or maybe habit. Or when he felt the warmth of the sun on his skin, warm and gentle, he’d feel phantom feelings of barely contained laughter. Or when he held soft feathers, he’d feel almost concerned, but relieved. Or, the most prominent, when he put on his crown every morning and he felt a strange rush of pride and admiration, and could swear he remembered someone ruffling his hair then placing the crown on his head carefully. But the emotions, the memories always stayed just out of reach, teasing him, reminding him of his curse. Well, he didn't know exactly _why_ his memory was so bad. And it's not like he would remember if he ever found out anyway. 

Just like he remembered tiny glimpses of past pleasant memories, his brain still somehow seemed to remember bad moments, mistakes, in the same way. The thought of teleporting sent waves of fear and loss over him, pushing him back, almost a warning to never try again. Why again? Had he teleported before? Had it really been that bad? But those questions were always left unanswered, soon forgotten in the swirling void of his brain. And with every memory that was stolen from him, the feeling of loss seemed to consume him a little more.

Sometimes, though rarely, he felt at peace with the cycle. He couldn't really know what he was missing out on, so he really couldn't _miss_ anything. But the times he felt that calm were always brief, too brief, and the pit in his stomach would return yet again. And so he would continue on, pushing through the half remembering and the forgetting, and the ever present fear that nothing, no one in his life would truly matter, because he would just forget them. Maybe, if he was lucky, the moments he cherished so much in the moment would stick around, ghosts in his brain, until even they faded. But Ranboo was used to forgetting, right?


	2. cold to the touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo is a child. A child who lost everything. And he wont even remember.  
> Or  
> Ranboo accidentally teleport to the nether out of the end after he loses his mother to forces he couldn't yet comprehend.
> 
> Ranboo's supposed to be around 5 in this, please bear with me, because I may have gotten myself in over my head with this fic, lol. Also, I have a lot of Endermen lore that I made up for this AU, so I might post a chapter that explains everything later. If you have any questions, feel free to ask in the comments so I can make sure I get to them!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW:  
> Panic attacks  
> Near death  
> Abandonment  
> Loss of a parent  
> Manipulation  
> If any more apply, please tell me so I can update it, thanks!
> 
> Also, I struggled a lot with writing this chapter, so sorry if the writings choppy or something, or if little kid Ranboo is written poorly.
> 
> Now, have fun with the badly written angst!

The End realm was cold waste land, silent apart from the sounds of the ender dragon guarding her egg. Her wings made loud ear-shattering sounds as they flapped against the air, her roars echoed around the main island. The murmurs and screeches of full grown Enderman waxed and waned with the dragon's rage, cowering, terrified of the purple eyed beast that ruled over the dimension. 

Ranboo had only just begun to grasp that something around him screamed danger, screamed a lack of control, screamed that something was so, so horribly wrong. Ranboo was only just beginning to comprehend his world, only just old enough to grasp how wrong it felt. He saw how some enderman avoided him, the way their purple eyes glowed weirdly, their stares blank every few seconds. His eyes had never glowed purple as long as theirs, usually staying green and red. 

He’d seen the eyes of the ender dragon, the same unsettling purple, but full of anger and thought, so unlike the eyes of his kind.He also saw the way her eyes glared at him whenever he strayed too far from his mothers side. He knew the ends  captor protector didn't like him, but he couldn't figure out why. He was a kid, what had he done to the beast?

The only other enderman he had ever met with eyes like him was his mother. Her eyes flickered between purple and green, her face almost always intensely focused when her eyes glowed naturally green. But recently the flickers of purple were beginning to linger longer, the blank look on her face taking away all her emotions. Ranboo still hugged her when her eyes were purple, still clung close to her side. 

He knew something was wrong by the way she would look down at him so confused and unknowing when the purple lingered, how her breath would hitch and anxious particles would float around her when the familiar green glow returned, the way she would hug him closer when her mind returned to her, it all screamed danger to Ranboo. Of course he knew something was wrong, but he still melted into her hugs, still stayed by her side, still trusted her with everything, purple eyes or green eyes, it didn't matter to Ranboo. But that was going to change soon, and Ranboo had no way to prepare.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A roar made Ranboo jump with fear and look around for his mother.

“Momma? Momma, where are you?” Ranboo spotted his mother a bit away, staring blankly at the void and scurried over. “Momma, I’m scared! The noises, too much, too much!” 

Ranboo looked downward as he tried to nuzzle into her embrace, but shuddered as he felt a blank stare on him, and saw the small reflection of purple that showed on his stark white hand. A confused vwoop mixed with Ranboos frantic crackles before it slipped into one of concern. For a second a dark limb tightened lovingly around Ranboos shaking frame and he saw the reflection of his mothers glowing eyes flashed green again. And then the purple was back, and the loving embrace released. With a sharp vwoop and a shower of purple particles Ranboos mother disappeared. The ender dragon roared. She sounded smug. Ranboo just vibrated, tears falling down his face, burning his skin. Somehow he knew she wasn't coming back, that this was always the way it would end. 

Green particles buzzed around him aggressively, and he let out a screech of pain and stumbled over to a tall obsidian pillar. His body impacted with the hard uncaring block, and he slid down it, feeling the obsidian jab into his back slightly. The tears came faster, more out of control, when he hit the ground, and Ranboo pulled his knees up to his chest, spewing cries and calls for his mother in Void as his face screamed in pain. 

Then she roared again, and Ranboo looked up from the base of the purple-black pillar. Through his tears he saw the ender dragon's wing right in front of his face, about to hit him dead on. Ranboo screeched as everything seemed to buzz, and suddenly he was warm. So very warm. In fact everything around him screamed heat. 

Ranboo buried his head in his knees and wrapped his long arms around his head, shaking violently. The ground looked green, but a strange green. Ranboo just closed his eyes, completely exhausted, and passed out, his skin still burning cruelly. A soft vwoop came from a bit away from the shaking child.

“...momma?” Ranboo sobbed in void, hoping he would feel her arms wrap around him, make him feel safe again. Nothing happened, just the small buzz of an enderman teleporting far away. 

“Momma, pls come back, I’m scared.” His voice wasn't above a whisper, Ranboos arms wrapped tightly around himself, and the enderman hybrid leaned against a warped tree, utterly exhausted. 

“Momma, I'm so sorry” Then the small child fell silent apart from the occasional mumble of void, begging for his mother to come return, to hold him again, her heatless spindly limbs giving him comfortable contact. Endermen’s purple haze looked over the boy every once in a while, and the air around his figure was filled with concerned vwoops and crackles. The the familiar vibrating of enderman particles soothed Ranboo, and soon his mumbles and muffled sobs. became few and far between. Ranboo just slept, a lost child, desperate for comfort that was nowhere to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, chapter 2 is finally done, thank god. Next chapter we're meeting some new faces, well, new for Ranboo atleast, so get ready for that! I hoped you enjoyed this chapter, I know it was kinda shaky, and definitely not my best work, lol.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and remember, comments and kudos fuel the writing braincell!  
> My tumblrs: ilovethatforyou(message me here if you want!), nikawritesnow(my writing blog for mainly things I write about my ocs)


	3. Safe?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil goes on a trip to the nether to get stuff from the nearest fortress, but instead he finds an enderboy.  
> AKA  
> Phil is flying through the nether, just vibing, but then, boom, a child in need of adoption.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW:   
> Panic attacks  
> Injury  
> Loss of a parent  
> If any more apply, please tell me so I can update it, thanks!
> 
> It took me forever to finish this chapter because of school and mental illness, so sorry about that, but here is another chapter! Enjoy the hurt/comfort, lol

The suffocatingly hot air of the nether slipped through Philzas wings as he flew towards the nearest fortress. The lava glowed cruelly below him and he swooped around a platform filled with red trees, the ground red and fuzzy, almost like moss. Piglins roamed the world around him, looking for gold and trades. A few spotted him, and Phil had to drop a few feet in the air to avoid the arrows that whizzed past him.

“Fuckin hell.” Phil said, exasperated, as he soared away from the red biome. He beat his wings as he flew over a Warped Forest, his dark wings sturdy as ever. His eyes looked over the area, checking for familiar landmarks to guide him to the forest. He spotted some cobblestone placed in a messy line, and smiled as he remembered how Tommy had placed behind himself the first time he'd gone to the nether. Hed been worried that they'd get lost and wouldn't be home in time for dinner. Tommy had clung to Tubbo the entire time, but had tried to put up a tough front, refusing to admit how shaky his tiny hands were as he placed down each block. Phil could practically hear Tommy boasting about how cobble was the best block, about how he was the smartest cause now they wouldn't get lost. Philza let himself relive that memory, trusting his instincts to get him to the fortress safely. His eyes still scanned the forest making sure there was no immediate danger, but there was none. 

There was, however, a small black and white figure curled up against a warped tree trunk, their body semi-sheltered by the dipping cyan foliage. From afar they looked strangely like an Enderman, but even Philza, with his crow like eyesight, was confused. He cautiously glided down towards the figure. As he landed softly in the ground near the creature, he noticed that they had a warped Nylium block clutched to their chest like a child would hold onto a stuffed animal for comfort. Phil slowly crouched down a few feet away from the creature, who Philza could now identify as at least part Enderman, but was way too small to be an adult. Half of the enderboys body was pitch black, the other half light gray and white . The kids' eyes were closed, but there were green particles emitting from the Enderman side of the boy. The kid's arms were awkwardly long, as if his arms had grown before the rest of his body. The kid was also shaking slightly, and Phil could see where tears had scorched the skin on his face. Phil looked around, perhaps searching for an Enderman nearby that could claim this child, but it was increasingly obvious to Phil that his kid was alone, despite the Enderman walking around the area. Phil took a deep breath as he slowly reached out a hand to tap the kid on the shoulder.

"Hey, Mate? Ya good there kid?" Phil said cautiously, but trying to keep his voice warm and friendly. The kid shifted around, and clutched the block closer to his chest as he slowly opened his vivid green and red eyes. He let out a sleepy crackle as he tried to wake up, but as soon as he realized where he was he stood up suddenly, vibrating in fear. Once he noticed Phil the crackling only got louder as he rambled in Enderspeak, and green particles filled the air rapidly. He scrambled away from the winged man and clutched the block in his hands closer to him, he back hitting a warped tree trunk. Phil tried not to jump at the sudden movement and let out a breath slowly as he looked away from the kids glowing green and red eyes. He slowly moved his hands to the ground as he stayed sitting on the ground and relaxed his body. 

"It's ok mate, I'm not gonna hurt you, I just wanted to make sure you were ok there." Phil kept his voice soft and friendly, and made sure not to make direct eye contact with the little kid. "I can help you if you want, but I can also leave." Ranboo kept rambling in enderspeak anxiously, but he stopped vibrating as aggressively, and his clutch on the warped Nylium block loosened slightly. The Particles around them slowly started to dissipate, Phil smiled slightly, trying to show the enderboy that it was ok.

"Mh sorry," Ranboo whispered, surprising Phil, who thought Ranboo couldn't understand him, much less speak English. This raised even more questions, but Phil tried to ignore them for the time being. "Didn wanna scare you."

Phil softened even more at the words.

"It's ok mate, I didn't want to scare you either." Phil paused for a second, then continued. "My name’s Philza, or just Phil." Ranboo looked up at Phil carefully, searching his face for any signs of hostility. There were none, he was looking slightly to the side to avoid eye contact, and his expression was caring. 

“‘M Ranboo.” Ranboo was still whispering, his voice slightly scratchy, like his voice was meant for Enderspeak, not English, but Phil could understand him with minimal effort. 

“Ok Ranboo, is there anyone who can take care of you, or are you on your own?” Phil was concerned, and wanted to get straight to the point. Ranboo immediately shrunk in on himself, his mind flashing memories of green and purple flickering eyes, big, black wings beating at empty air, and cold obsidian pressing into his back. 

“Momma-” Ranboo took a shuddery breath. “S-she took Momma away.” Tears spilled out of the young boy's eyes and burned at his skin as Phil watched in thinly veiled horror. Ranboo screeched in enderspeak for a second, and Phil tensed slightly.

“Oh, mate.” Phil looked in the direction of the fortress one last time, and then turned back to the Ranboo, who was emitting green particles and silently crying. “How would you feel about staying with me and my boys for a little while? You'll be safe here, I promise.” Ranboo sniffled for a second, then looked up at Philza again.

“M’kay, I wanna be safe.” Phils heart broke at the words, but he didn't show it. Instead he held out a hand for Ranboo to take as they started the journey back to the portal. Ranboo shakily took the older man's hand, his comfort block still clutched in his other hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter Ranboo meets the entire SBI gang, and Tubbo! its gonna be pog, I can't wait to break all your hearts- ...I mean, what? lol
> 
> Thank you for reading, and remember, comments and kudos fuel the writing braincell!  
> My tumblrs: ilovethatforyou(message me here if you want!), nikawritesnow(my writing blog for mainly things I write about my ocs)

**Author's Note:**

> This is gonna be a a multi chapter work, so I hope y'all stick around for it! I tagged a bunch of characters who will show up later, so don't worry, they are coming, and they are bringing the angst with them. Sorry for it being a short first chapter, hopefully the next ones will be longer. And sorry in advance, my updating schedule is non-existent. I upload when the next chapter is done. Could be a a day, or a month, I certainly don't know.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and remember, comments and kudos fuel the writing braincell!  
> My tumblrs: ilovethatforyou(message me here if you want!), nikawritesnow(my writing blog for mainly things I write about my ocs)


End file.
